Over the last few years and more recently the last couple of months, I have added a piece to my identity. There were times where I would put other’s needs first. It was my thought that doing so meant that I was selfless, that it made me a good person. As the years wore on I led myself to a place where I lacked self-respect, when I put other’s needs before mine, it didn’t make me selfless but rather passive. Slowly as time wore on, I found that it would become a lifestyle rather than a choice.
It has taken a long hard tear filled journey to get where I am today. There are times where I still continue to lack any sort of self respect and my first thought it to lay down and let other’s needs, goals and priorities become more important than my own. I have learned that it is self-respect not selfishness that allows your to put your goals and priorities above others.
I realize that by saying this, that I may appear to some as selfish. There is a difference between being selfish and having self respect. Being selfish is when you constantly think about yourself, meaning that in any situation including ones where we are hurting others, we only think about ourselves. How is this different then self respect? It appears as if these two concepts are the same. Self respect is when we choose to make our dreams, goals and aspirations a priority. I will admit these two sound very similar, however when people choose to make the conscious decision to go and hurt other people because they are hurting, that is selfish.
Hurt people hurt people. The concept is that simple. When we hurt our initial selfish nature is to stop our hurt by hurting those around us. There have been times where I have done this in my life, a pattern that I would not rather continue. It continues to be a long journey, to choose to look inward instead of lash outward when I am hurting. It is only when we love ourselves enough to look inward and reach into our depths to heal old woulds or even fresh wounds.
Have enough self respect to reach inward, to look into the depths that we hide from others and choose to love ourselves enough not to lash out when we are hurt. Respect yourself and be confident in who you are and not what others may say about you. I am not perfect, I have never claimed to be. I have only stepped into this new identity and become more confident in who I am. I will not be defined by what other people may say about me, that is not self love or self respect. You are not the opinions of others. Remember that.